I won the lottery!

I got told this morning that I won the lottery. Wowee! They just asked me for some personal details and to tell them how I feel as a winner. I sent them this e-mail:

"Hoo-damn!

How do I feel as a winner? Just great. I was telling Ronnie, he’s my best friend, see, how I knew my luck would change – this was only yesterday – and he didn’t believe me, he said, that “Well, looks like someone in your condition better not be lucky or unlucky anymore just put your whole fate into God’s good hands and know that whatever He wants for you is something good in the end, if you’re heart is right with him” because you see Ronnie is like that sometimes, all religious, and he thinks I’m liable to die, and he might be right. So I must admit my luck hasn’t done me much good up until now. But I guess my luck did change.

I’m in the hospital in Hicksville and I was actually going to have to leave this morning because I didn’t have the insurance, I was worried cause they didn’t reattach the toe right, and so it looks kinda sore and it was hurting yesterday but now it doesn’t hurt, it’s just numb, which worries me – and well, now I can stay here until I get better, now that I’m a winner. And that’s a real blessing.

I was telling Ronnie, I called him up when I heard the news, but he couldn’t understand me too well both because a) I was really excited and talk fast and b) my tongue, well, it still feels a little weird, being a donation tongue, a transplant, after the accident, see, and I can’t talk normally with it ever, and can’t talk real well now. Anyway, I was telling Ronnie that all of this was Karma or whatever you call it. That all the bad things that had happened to me over the past three days – you know, the bees, finding that porno of Cyndi with her sister and those two black guys, the accident which nobody can much understand how it happened, even the police and the doctors, and on top of that having Cyndi’s brother come in here and try to strangle me because she’s spreading rumors, well – all of it gets made up for in the big scheme of things because now I’m a winner.

So like I said, I feel pretty great. Once I get better I’m gonna ride down to Marshalltown with Ronnie, that’s where my son lives, and I haven’t seen him in a couple years, on account of me and his mother not being on good terms, and his sickness on top of that, and he’s going to look up at me with his big eyes and say ‘Daddy?’ and I’ll say ‘Yeah, son, Daddy’s back, and he can support you now like a good man’ and he’ll try to lift his arms to give me a hug, but he can’t, on account of his muscles are now all eating themselves up or something, but I’ll hug the little kid – not as hard as I did last time, when I broke his ribs, which was the reason why his mother (who’s called Cindy, and is a different person from Cyndi) thinks I am a bad father, and may not even be the boy’s real father, she told me that one night when she was real drunk – and he’ll look up at me and love me. And I’ll love him right back. And he might go back to being called John Jr. in school (John’s my name, but you knew that) and not Roland. Which is a queer’s name. So everything’s gonna go alright in my life from here on out.

And it’s all because of the UK Lottery. God bless.

John Handermeyer Sr."

Keep you updated on whether they e-mail back!